A lack of self-confidence is something that so many people battle with, and yet confidence is at the heart of success, so it's so important. The above title probably makes sense to many of us, so why is it we have such a hard time making it our reality?
A lack of self-confidence manifests itself in many ways. Below, I've listed just some of the ways which I'm sure are familiar to most people:
A lack of belief in your abilities and a tendency to be self-critical;
Negatively comparing yourself to others;
Avoiding new or challenging situations for fear of failure;
Avoiding people;
Being overly critical about and concerned with outward appearance;
Impostor syndrome;
Limiting thoughts about what you can achieve...
I'm sure you could add to this list!
A lack of confidence can lead to all sorts of problems, including an inability to connect to others or take new opportunities. At the extreme end, it could even lead to serious problems such as addictions and eating disorders.
For many people, an ingrained lack of self-confidence has been around since childhood, perhaps as a result of bullying, poor academic performance and other negative childhood experiences. These difficulties have a lasting impact which can cause problems later in life.
Problematic relationships can also affect our confidence long-term, whether the relationship in question was romantic, familial or with a friend. Having someone around you who hurts you, abandons you or is constantly critical is bound to have a lasting effect.
Another reason why people may lack confidence is because many of us mistakenly equate confidence with arrogance. We've been raised to believe it's not cool to blow our own trumpets! However, confidence and arrogance are two completely different things.
Confidence is having an ingrained belief in yourself and your potential. It's not about thinking you are better than others or that you can absolutely smash any new skill without any preparation or practice. That's arrogance. We can take pride in our achievements and believe we can keep improving without being arrogant. Many are raising their children to take pride in their achievements without shame or embarrassment, whilst simultaneously trying to shake off a lifetime of believing confidence in ourselves is an unattractive quality.
Whatever our reasons for lacking confidence, it's the primitive brain that steps up and makes its presence felt when we're in a situation where a bit more confidence than what we're feeling is required. The primitive brain's job is to protect us from threats. And boy is it good at that! When we're in a situation where a bit of extra confidence would come in handy, the primitive brain perceives a threat to our safety and our fight/flight/freeze response is triggered. We can find ourselves shutting down, avoiding situations or even getting angry or aggressive when we feel like we're being put on the spot. The primitive brain is also wired for the negative, so when that part of our brain is in control, we see things, including ourselves and our abilities, from a negative perspective.
The experiences of the past that depleted our confidence can't be changed. However, we can rebuild confidence at any stage in life. Solution focused hypnotherapy helps support this.
Using positive psychology during the talking therapy part of sessions, I support you to find small, manageable steps towards your goal of regaining confidence. We focus on what's already good in your life and how you can realistically move forwards towards a more positive future.
This is supported by a lovely experience of hypnosis during which your subconscious mind processes everything we've talked about. I also use positive suggestion which, as you're receiving it under hypnosis, is delivered directly to your subconscious mind which helps you to make changes at that fundamental level. This helps you feel better and more confident in a relatively short space of time.
Once you've regained that confidence, you can live a full life, enjoy sharing your authentic self with the world and take on many new experiences without the old insecurities holding you back.
I'm here for you when you're ready to believe in yourself, celebrate your strengths, embrace your flaws and enjoy your life in full colour.
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